12 Hypothetical Celebrity Fanfics to Spice Up Your (Non-Existent) Sex Life

  1. An extensive, long-burning Mandy Patinkin love story.
  2. Russell Brand falls in love with his vegan ceramics teacher. She turns out to be a lesbian.
  3. Michael Cera and Beyonce are at the same college. Michael Cera is Beyonce’s Cyberporn and Society class TA. Beyonce needs help with her essay, “Hentai and The New Age”. You could cut that tension with a knife. 
  4. The worker at Architectural Digest and Dakota Johnson fall in love during her home tour. This one isn’t a joke; I wrote this and it’s 200 pages. 
  5. Your family gives you away to Mindy Kaling. The two of you dominate the comedy world together.
  6. Romeo and Juliet but make it Grimes and Zendaya.
  7. Yeobie and Jim Carrey meet in a coffee shop. They fall madly in love. 
  8. Andy Biersack, Gerard Way, and Ben Shapiro are a throuple. 
  9. Helen Mirren adopts you. It’s a very comforting read.
  10. You are a backup dancer in the live-action adaptation of The Lorax. There is undeniable chemistry between you and Ed Helms.
  11. You. Chloë Grace Moretz. 14th century England. 
  12. Joan of Arc coming from the dead and getting seduced by Natalie Portman.