Nail Clippers: Friend Or Foe?

“There’s a band called Hand Habits,” my mom says. “The lead singer is also a they/them.” You see, as a non-binary individual, who has recently come out as gay to the entire public universe, this comment was a wtf mom moment. But as I stood in the kitchen with my hands wrapped around the neck of a Fender Telecaster plugged into the biggest amp I had ever seen, all I could think of was the sweet jams that were coming out of that baby. My mom’s boyfriend walked over to tell me he liked that slash chord I was flipping through only to follow it up with a “you got fingernails on that hand?”

I looked down at my right strumming hand only to remember that I had freshly cut those suckers this morning. I replied “No,” but in my head I really said “No, I’m gay.” At that moment I froze, I stopped playing my G to C chords for a sec… god dammit…

…Drifts off to gAy SuBcOnSiOuS for the twelfth time that day…

…The want and desire to present and signal as gay and cool reigns supreme. Over all other mannerisms. On the one hand, someone might instinctively cut their fingernails short to signal for getting laid purposes. But, on the other, the sexy instrument of electric guitar could be more than a quarantine passion, playing a strong hand toward a new sexual and musical awakening. Therefore one might intuitively grow their fingernails long so that they don’t need to use a pick. 

Pros of short phalange shields: look gay, wipe butt easier, no snag-snag on that one shirt

Cons of short hand toenails: can’t open white claw, no more fingernail drawing on bananas

Pros of long claws: look like Baby Yoda, really fit the part for that one #wolfthings Tik Tok that goes “I’m the alpha, I’m the leader, I’m the one to trust” 

Cons of short things on fingers: no more aggressive tap tap tapping on keyword in library, guitar doesn’t sound as nice

Honestly, at this point, I think the only answer for the moment is to keep one set of fingernails short, and the other long in order to meet both lifestyles with at least 50% commitment and power. Don’t let anyone force your hand in the matter. Up to you though.