REPORT: Friend is Doing a Little Too Well

This past week there have been several troubling reports suggesting that a local first year student is doing a little too well. Though these allegations have not yet been confirmed, there have been numerous points of evidence backing the claims.

One student, who wishes to remain anonymous, is very upset about these recent reports made against her friend. “It’s just so unlike him,” she stated, seeming concerned for his well-being. “He usually isn’t this happy. I don’t know what’s gotten into him.”

It really is a mystery.

After speaking with this person, we learned that he is just trying his best to have a good time at college while following the ObieSafe protocols. Sources say that he’s been maintaining a positive attitude and a six foot distance from all of his friends. He’s also been matching his masks to his outfits every day, and smiling with his eyes as he passes by others.

It’s safe to say the rest of campus is somewhat terrified.

Some students have considered reporting him or notifying campus security directly. As this particular situation has yet to be covered in any of the ObieSafe emails, worried students are still unsure as to what measures should be taken.

There has been no direction so far on what to do if you see someone who is not obviously severely depressed. Updates will be made if more information on this is discovered.