Start Distancing Yourself From Friends Going Abroad Now

As Oberlin students the world is our oyster: from London to Buenos Aires and from Morocco to Italy and beyond! These are all the exciting places your friends may be traveling without you when they go abroad this Spring. While they’re out enjoying the Tuscan sun and eating croissants under the Eiffel Tower, you’ll be eating Kim’s in the lobby of South because your roommate sexiled you. Some of you may give in to the urge to be bitter, however, there is no need for that: instead of adapting to the new social dynamics in Spring semester, just start emotionally distancing yourself from your friends going abroad now.  

So you decided not to go abroad. Fair, you have the rest of your life to travel through Europe for 4 months. Except post-grad you’ll probably need to find a job, and then you’ll start paying rent, and your boss won’t let you take time off to go to Europe because you already took too many sick days (those bad hangovers plus your mental health days start to add up) plus the chips the government started putting in people’s brains are giving you chronic headaches. But maybe when you retire at 65 you can use that fat social security check and take a submarine to visit the underwater remains of Venice, or go backpacking through the parts of the French countryside not occupied by alien invaders.

But going abroad is overrated anyway and you need to start preparing now for how things are gonna change when your close friends are off galavanting in foreign countries. The Junior slump is only real if you let it be real! There are many things you can do to make Oberlin as exciting as going abroad. Maybe pick up a hobby, or start collecting stamps…I don’t know… I don’t have all the answers. Yeah, your friends may be flirting in another language, but I bet they’ll be mad that they’re missing out on all the social validation you can get from chatting with people on the first floor of Mudd.​

You’ll also need to prepare in advance for all the Instagram stories of food and nightclubs in the major party cities of the world. Yes, you thought your friend was content with smoking a jay and stopping by a jazz party for a little bit before capping the night off with a Dominos delivery.  But now you see them on Instagram getting totally wasted at a nightclub with bottle service and sweaty frat boys that offer them Molly. That same friend who’s always too tired to go out is all of a sudden throwing up on the side of a beautiful cobblestone street in front of a cute bakery at 3:00 am. 

Having friends go abroad is tough! You’re gonna miss your best pal a lot! They were your chum, your bestie, your bffl, and your partner in crime, but as they prepare to go to a different time zone I suggest calling the friendship off. Who has time to remember how many hours ahead they are, plus Facetime doesn’t always cut it. I know it’s sad but it’s what needs to be done. Hopefully things won’t be awkward Fall senior year…