Aries: Listening to The Smashing Pumpkins while actually smashing pumpkins.
Taurus: Going trick or treating for the free candy, telling soccer moms to fuck themselves when their age is questioned.
Gemini: Gettin freaky to “Monster Mash”.
Cancer: Falling in love with some dude in a Where’s Waldo costume then turning around and never seeing him again 🙁 .
Leo: Wearing lingerie with bunny ears for all of October.
Virgo: Comes fully prepared with Advil, condoms, and bandaids, then gets too sloppy to distribute them.
Libra: Too busy complaining that Libra season is over to have any fun.
Scorpio: Using the holiday as an excuse to egg some bitch’s car.
Sagittarius: Hosting a haunted house for the sole purpose of raising money for their personal vacation fund.
Capricorn: Watching The Nightmare before Christmas on repeat and hopelessly lusting after Jack Skellington.
Aquarius: Putting way too much effort into making their own costume that no one will see nor understand.
Pisces: Taking their siblings trick or treating, getting nostalgic about their favorite childhood candies.