What the Signs are doing for Halloween

Aries: Listening to The Smashing Pumpkins while actually smashing pumpkins.

Taurus: Going trick or treating for the free candy, telling soccer moms to fuck themselves when their age is questioned.

Gemini: Gettin freaky to “Monster Mash”.

Cancer: Falling in love with some dude in a Where’s Waldo costume then turning around and never seeing him again 🙁 . 

Leo: Wearing lingerie with bunny ears for all of October. 

Virgo: Comes fully prepared with Advil, condoms, and bandaids, then gets too sloppy to distribute them.

Libra: Too busy complaining that Libra season is over to have any fun.

Scorpio: Using the holiday as an excuse to egg some bitch’s car.

Sagittarius: Hosting a haunted house for the sole purpose of raising money for their personal vacation fund.

Capricorn: Watching The Nightmare before Christmas on repeat and hopelessly lusting after Jack Skellington. 

Aquarius: Putting way too much effort into making their own costume that no one will see nor understand.

Pisces: Taking their siblings trick or treating, getting nostalgic about their favorite childhood candies.